before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
