I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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