I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
