I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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