I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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