I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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