I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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