that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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