You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
