She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
