let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
