I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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