normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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