you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
