it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
