I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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