Quick, to the slutcave!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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