he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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