Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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