Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
