you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't deserve a penis
So much rum. So many feels.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
