There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
