I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
