Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
