Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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