Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
