You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
