Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
