So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
