um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
