she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
50% drunk capacity currently
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
