my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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