it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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