I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
