Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
