Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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