bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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