Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
