I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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