Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Small penises have feelings too.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
