Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
