God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
