my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
