nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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