we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
