My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
