Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
