Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
