i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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