just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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