i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
